Hey! Stop Stealing My Material!

Jenfer, it wasn't you that got stampeded by sheep, it was me! I went up to the village rec in about 1992 with some girl I used to know to find that the field next door had had a hole burned in the fence (your friendly local drug addicts, I believe) and that about 50 sheep were all now happily munching away on the football pitch thinking that all their christmasses had come at once. Immediately we ran to the church warden's house (I don't know what I thought she was going to do about it), and were sent away with a black umbrella, for reasons which I don't recall but seemed perfectly sensible at the time. Then, for (more) reasons unknown, we decided that rounding up the sheep would be a good idea.

I will never be mean to a sheepdog again. Not that I ever was. It's bloody impossible.

After running around after these blasted sheep for about half an hour, one of them, the biggest and nastiest-looking, had obviously had enough, and decided to charge at me like a raging bull. Well I'm damned glad that Mrs. Church Warden had given me that brolly because it was the only thing I had to fight off this bloody sheep. In the end, I realised that it was actually the brolly that he was after so I chucked it in the air and ran for my life (not that I know how a sheep would go about finishing off a human, but at that point I didn't really feel like finding out). I never did replace the brolly. And I've never had a call from a producer at channel five wanting to interview me for a documentary entitled "When Sheep Attack".

Anyway, just to finish off we'd like to say a big "eh-up, chuck!" to Mechanical Mutt who has made a donation on the donations page at www.justgiving.com/sendjenferoverseasdonations. Thanks!